Some Favorite Quotes

Premier

Zhaan: Pilot, does Moya know where we are?
Pilot: Yes, of course. We're... someplace else. I'll get back to you on the specifics.

John: What ... is the matter with you ... people?!

Rygel: I'm Rygel the Sixteenth, dominar to over six hundred billion people. I don't need to talk to you!

John: I'm from a planet called Earth. I'm human. Homo sapiens sapiens ...
Zhaan: It's time to eat.
John: (nervous look) Eat what?

Rygel: (flatulent sound, everyone starts talking high pitched)
Zhaan: Rygel?
John: What just happened?
Rygel: It's a perfectly natural bodily function. And it's odourless.
D'Argo: So your loyal subjects tell you.
John: You fart helium!?

John: Don't move! Or I'll fill you full of ... little yellow - bolts of light!

John: There's life out here, Dad. Weird, amazing, psychotic life. And in Technicolor. Hey, Dad, you know those rattlers in the stomach we talked about? Well, I've got them now.

I, E.T.

John: (about Moya) Well if she can't she can't. We can stick or heads between our legs and kiss our asses goodbye. (everyone else looks confused) It's a saying.

Rygel: Aquatic. That's water, not mud. Mud is.... mud! You can't breathe in it, you can't move in it. It holds ya, it grabs ya, it sucks you down. You want to know about mud? I know about mud!

John: Kinda like Louisiana. Or Dagobah. (sees confused looks) Dagobah. Where Yoda lives.
Aeryn: Who's Yoda?
John: Oh, just a little green guy. Trains warriors.

Throne for a Loss

Zhaan: Soft, yes. Weak, no.

Zhaan: Quite respectable for your age. Did you think you'd shock me? Is nudity a taboo in your culture? Are you ashamed of your bodies?

John: Rygel is an obnoxious gasbag, and who's gonna shell out for that?
Rygel: He's right. I'm unloved, unwanted, unpopular ... (kicked) unconscious!

Thank God it's Friday, Again

Aeryn: She gives me a woody. (odd look from John) Woody. Human saying. I've heard you say it often when you don't trust someone, or they make you nervous, then they give you-
John: The willies! She gives you the willies.

PK Tech Girl

D'Argo: This ship is legendary. Even in my culture, it was thought invincible.
Crichton: Yeah, well, just ask Leonardo DiCaprio. Even the big ones go down.

Gilina: Thank you for stopping her from killing me today.
Crichton: Well, I try to save a life a day. Usually it's my own.

Aeryn: Can I get you both some rations? Something chilled, Fra Tea, perhaps?

D'Argo: For a priest, you certainly have a flexible morality

Aeryn: Sorry for interrupting!

DNA Mad Scientist

Pilot: Moya can do nothing about it. It appears your crystal is useless. Lucky for you, you didn't trade anything of real value to get it.
Zhaan: We can access one of the maps, but ... only if we destroy the other two.
Rygel: Well, we'll just go to NamTar and ask for three individual crystals.
D'Argo: Ask NamTar for further help? What will he demand of us then?
Pilot: (to Rygel) If he should ask for it, what body part are you willing to offer, your eminence?

Till the Blood Runs Clear

Zhaan: It's called a photogasm.
Rygel: I'll get a mop and bucket.

Rorf: Is this your female?
Aeryn: I am no one's female!

Rygel: Are you fully clothed?
Zhaan: I'm not wearing a scrap. I'm as nude as a newborn baby.
Rygel: Then go away. And don't insult my eyes with your naked blue extremities.
Zhaan: Which ones in particular don't you like? Show them to me.
Rygel: No thank you. Help, help! A mad Delvian exhibitionist is forcing herself on me visually!

Rhapsody In Blue

John: What is that?
Zhaan: Unity.
John: It's like Disney on acid! Ten years of really great sex all at the same moment.

The Flax

John: Slicker'n snot.

John: You know, big guy, I think we'd better give you a little time alone here. Because I know in a universe this vast, when two hearts collide ...
D'Argo: Shut up!

Durka Returns

Pilot: We are to exit starburst. There is no reason for concern.
Crichton: Famous last words

Salis: Have you ever been stung by the watruka plant?
Crichton: Not yet.
Salis: They too present an intriguing exterior.
Crichton: Yeah. Appearances can be deceiving.

Crichton: Nope. But it's the best we have ... They're pretty worried about you.
Chiana: Of course they are. I, uh, I don't respect authority. I do what I want, when I wanna do it.

Chiana: Didn't you ever...ever want to travel? See other places? Do...other things?
Salis: Yes. And I have.
Chiana: When you were my age?
Salis: When I was your age, I was focused on what I could do to fit in...not stand apart.
Chiana: But I thought my...my "standing apart" appealed to you. I see the way you look at me. You want to run your hands around again?
(Salis activates Chiana's control collar and she wrythes on the floor from the pain until he lets go of the activation.)
Salis: Remain calm.
Chiana: I'm perfectly calm!

Rygel: Untie me.
Chiana: Typical male. Satisfy yourself first.

Chiana: Oh, no. This isn't stress, old man. Stress is if you don't come through for me.

Salis (On Comm): Find her. Make sure the others know that she's capable of violence.
D'Argo: So are we.

Durka: Score one up for the underdogs.

Chiana: (pushed) Hey! No, no, no -- let...let me go first. There's a hatchway through there. (points.) It leads straight into the birthing chamber.
Durka: I don't like dark rooms.
Chiana: Yeah, hemph! some froth-mouth with a metal eye shut off all the lights.

Crichton: In the room. I said to get him IN the room!
Chiana: You said TO the room!

Aeryn: But you handled yourself well.
Rygel (Laughs): I did, didn't I? Beat him at his own game.
Aeryn: You just compared yourself...to a Peacekeeper.
Rygel: (proudly inhales)

John: We have rules
Chiana: Yeah, well, when I see any of you following them, so will I

A Human Reaction

John: They have worlds out there, people that you wouldn't believe. But they don't have chocolate.

Through the Looking Glass

John: Holy Salmonila what is that?
Rygel: That's krogar. A delicacy, even for pagans.
John: Yeah? and how long was it under your butt getting delicate?

Chiana: I know I just got here, but can I please say something?
Crew: No!
Pilot (Appearing on viewscreen): Excuse the intrusion, but Moya and I would like a word about your deliberations.
Chiana: That's what I've been trying to tell you guys. The DRDs have ears. No wonder you guys have been flying around in circles.

John: Listen, Sunshine, you want to be part of this crew?
Chiana: On the good days.
John: This is one of the good days. I thought you were Junior Miss Tough Chick of the Universe.
Chiana: Yeah, when I can kick, kiss or cry my way out of it! This is way, way, way different.

John: I've got to get out of here before I end up like you!
Rygel: What, handsome with a great sexual prowess?

Zhaan: We can't find them, Pilot. False information yet again.
Pilot: The DRDs still show Officer Sun on Tier 2. Rygel outside the center chamber. D'Argo in...
Chiana: ...competent. You got it wrong, four-arms. They're nowhere.
Pilot: Your inability to locate them does not negate the fact that they are there.

Crichton: You'll be happy to know we have a plan.
Chiana: I'll be happy to know if it works.

John: I hear. Ready, Pip?
Chiana: And Pip would mean?
John: My favorite traveling companion.
Chiana: Before I got here, did everyone always listen to what you say?

John: Do you know how to use that thing?
Chiana: I'm scared crotchless, not stupid.

Chiana: What if the monster comes back?
John: Then piss it off.
Chiana: How?
John: Pretend it's me.

John: It's gonna be harder to doubt you in the future.
Aeryn: I apologize for my strengths.

D'Argo: One Mippippippi. Two Mippippippi ...

Zhaan: My dear, I've kicked more ass than you've sat on.

Rygel: I spent all evening listening to them gripe and whine about me. Of course, they didn't realize I was their dominar.
Aeryn: I admire your openness to criticism, Rygel. When did they figure it out?
Rygel: At their trial, of course.

A Bugs Life

John: Let's go find Sparky before he screws this thing up.
D'Argo: Let's find him before you screw this up.

Chiana: Toooo easy.

Rygel: How dare you sneak up on me like that! I should make you wear a bell around your neck.
Chiana: Keep your fantasies to yourself, Frog Boy.

Chiana: You're here for the same reason I am. To see if there's anything in here worth snurching.
Rygel: Snurch? I don't snurch, I procure!

Chiana: Has everybody on this ship gone kinkoid?

John: Twisted as it sounds, what we have right here is exactly what we need. Guns and a lot of hands pointed in every direction.

John: Eni, Meni, Miny, ... D'Argo.

Nerve

Rygel: You aren't just farbot, you're magra-farbot!

Chiana: Larraq...make sure the quarters are comfortably chilled. It's...hot...in here.

Crichton: It's deja vu all over again.

Stark: That's mine! This is my side! That's your side. You stay on your side. My side, your side! My side, your side! My side, your side! ... You were just in my chair, too, weren't you?

Stark: Spinny, spinny, spinny, spinny

John: Danger, Danger Will Robinson. Beware the chair. Beware the chair.

Chiana: Spare me the technobable gadget girl, let's just get on with it.

Hidden Memories

Stark: Love the chair! Love the chair! Love the chair!

Stark: Two cycles. Peacekeepers killed most of my people. But they kept me alive because I interest them. I'm able to hide thoughts that the chair can't touch. It's almost ironic -- what made me a slave now keeps me alive.
Crichton: What made you a slave?
Stark: This. (Touches mask.) I am of the Banik slave race. Outsiders think that we do not feel. But it's only that our feelings don't always show. Just as this can hide our feelings, we're also able to cloud thoughts from our minds. What I know deep inside, Peacekeepers will never see.

Stark: Who is that?
John: That is the radiant Aeryn Sun.

Aeryn: You know what I give you, Crais? Your life. I will make you watch your life.

Stark: Come on, let's give them something to remember us by.

Bone to be Wild

M'lee: Oooooh, I'm feeling hunnnnnngry!
M'lee: Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!

Family Ties

Aeryn: Oh, just to be in the warm glow of all this testosterone.

John: It's a Jerry Springer kind of family. But for what it's worth, Zhaan, you are family.

John: Never before the big game - But thanks.
Chiana: You saved my life.
John: Pass it on.
Chiana: What?
John: When someone else needs it, return the favor. You pass it on.

John: How come I'm not afraid?
D'Argo: Fear accompanies the possibility of death. Calm shepherds its certainty.
John: I love hanging with you, man.

Mind the Baby

D'Argo: As John once said "I would rather go down on a swing ..."
John: Swinging, go down swinging.

Taking the Stone

John: We were worried about you, so we ...
Chiana: How sweet! Now get the frell out of here!

John: Chiana
Chiana: No, Crichton! Now I don't have the time

Aeryn: I'm not good at nice.

Chiana: Drad. I gotta do that.

Molnon: Stay with us, Nixa. Celebrate the stone, it's the second dradest time.

Chiana: Oh? And what's the dradest?

Chiana: In case you haven't noticed I'm not your kid, I'm not your sister, and I'm only your, your tralk! in your dreams.

Molnon: See this? Three lobes gets you high. One gets you dead. Never know which one.

Crackers Don't Matter

John: What are you doing?
Chiana: I'm having sex with three Hynerian donkeys. What does it look like?

Crichton (On Comm): Zhaan, where are you?
Zhaan: I'm up in the maintenance bay, John, about to have a fight with Aeryn.
Aeryn: Hmph.
Crichton: Don't do that. Remember what T'raltixx said about the pulsar light?
Zhaan: That's right. He said that it - it affected lesser species. (To Aeryn.) That might explain her behavior.

T'raltixx: I think there's something wrong with Zhaan. She seems to be in some sort of trance.
Pilot: Is she smiling?
T'raltixx: Yes, I think so.
Pilot: She's probably just enjoying the pulsar light. She's a plant. Put her in the light, watch her smile.

John: You know, Aeryn's right. You're fweakin' insane.
Aeryn: Thank you!

Crichton: Oh, yeah. I could give a squirrel's nut what you watch.

John: Food. Is that what this is about? Is it? Okay. Then where's my ice cream?
John: Where's my damn ice cream!
Rygel: I have no idea what 'eyes-iz green' is.
John: Is that it, Sparky? You gonna take the road well traveled? Gonna play dumb? I scream, you scream, we all scream for

ice cream! Baskin Robbins, Ben and Jerry's, Good Humor ... What's your favorite? Creamsicle or fudgesicle!?

D'Argo: Hurry up. You're not moving fast enough.
Chiana: So why don't you get off your fat ass and help me?

Aeryn: Next time you'll be a crouton, Crichton!

Pilot: I'm sorry John, I can't do that.

Crichton: Whatcha doin'?
Scorpius: ...name is John Crichton...
(The Scorpius image continues to repeat this phrase throughout the scene. Chiana stands up and attempts to flee. Crichton grabs her arm and swings her around.)
Crichton: Whoa! Oh, no, no! Hey, missy, why you messing with that beacon?Chiana: Oh, hey, Johnny. Well, I'm not messing with nothin! (knees John in the crotch and laughs over him)

Cricthon: They don't get it. They don't get it, Scorpy. They don't get how crazy they are.
Scorpius: You're right, John. They don't get it. They don't get how crazy they are...because...
(The Scorpius image suddenly approaches Crichton and kneels beside him.)
Scorpius: 'Cause they stole the crackers.

Crichton: I hate it when villains quote Shakespeare.

Scorpius: Go on, John, do it. Then we can go to the beach! I know a place with naked sebacean girls and margarita shooters.
Crichton: Go away, Scorpy. You're not real. (Points one gun at Scorpius and one at D'Argo. Says to D'Argo.) Oh. What? What? Am I being... irritational? Oh. Well, have a little pain. (Shoots D'Argo)

Aeryn (to Rygel): You're lying! You know how I know? Because you always lie. You have no honor, you have no integrity. You lie, you steal, you cheat, you stuff your face. That's you!

Scorpius: Go on. Kill her. Then we'll have pizza and margarita shooters. Do it. Do it.
John: Nobody has margaritas with pizza.

Aeryn: Are you cracking up, little man? Hello?

John: Oh, look, everybody, Sunshine's awake!

John: Even on a flesh wound! Ow, ow ow!

Chiana: Crichton's the only one not affected by T'raltixx because he's deficient.
John: Who are you calling deficient?

John: I am not deficient. I am superior. Humans are superior.

Aeryn: We are going to die.

The Way We Weren't

Chiana: What have you guys been thinking all this time? What, she was out picking baskets of ralust-buds while all the other mean Peacekeepers did all the really nasty stuff?

Picture if You Will

John: Well you know what I say. I say we lock all of Moya's doors, we don't let anybody in, we don't let anybody out. That way we get no alien critters, no shape shifting bugs, no mind altering viruses, no freaky-deaky artifacts.

John: Take my module.
Aeryn: Bucket of dren.

Maldis: Your mind to me is an open book. Full of big print and lots of pictures!
John: Then read this (holding hand to forehead) kiss ...

Chiana: Bigger the talk, the smaller the action!

John: That was your plan?
Zhaan: Yes, like it?

Home on the Remains

John: I hope it's not a cold. I'm sure not going to get any chicken soup on a Budong.
Chiana: Look, I don't know what cheekan zoup is okay? But there's plenty of other food on this mining camp.

Aeryn: Oh that's just great, I get to stay on board with the blooming blue bush while you get to play with your favorite little tralk!

Chiana: I don't need another brother.

John: It should be easy. It's never easy.

D'Argo: Can't you just let it go?
Chiana: I can only let go when I feel safe.
D'Argo: You are safe.
Chiana: Am I?

Dream a Little Dream

Zhaan (to Chiana and Rygel): I've seen the way you two have handled your anxiety over the fate of Aeryn, Crichton and D'Argo. I'd hate to think of the way you are now going to handle your grief and your loss!

Chiana: (hyperactive) Yes, your Honor, yes I have questions for the witness, yes I do. Oh, oh, I definitely do! Oh, I definitely, definitely do! Did I say I did? Because I do.
Chiana: Did you testify yesterday that Mr. Zhaan the defendant, Mr. Zhaan, Mr. Zotoh Zhaan the woman standing right there [points] right there, do you see her because I see her -- because I do -- do you see her? Hm? She escaped during your shift - is that correct? Is it?
Guard: Yes, Ma'am, that's ...
Chiana: Correct! And that you also stated that she escaped during a very short, very small, very minimal interval in which you and your guards, or you and your guard buddies were, were switching shifts, or changing shifts! Taking a leak, some gettin on, some getting off - Okay, so if I were to ...
Rygel: (coughs loudly) Your Honor, may I have a word with my co-counsel?
Judge: Please do.
(Chiana bounds, giggling, over and sits leaning back on her elbows across the block in front of the defense stand)
Rygel: You took all three of the pills didn't you?
Chiana: Oh, you have - you have no idea how frelled up I felt. No idea.

Out of Their Minds

John: Have we sent the 'Don't shoot us we're pathetic' transmission yet?

Pilot (as D'Argo): Crichton, Rygel, who, whoever you are, I'll rip your head off if you don't shut up.

D'Argo (as Chiana): Face the wall and spread your feathers big guy.

Rygel (as Aeryn): What are you up to Rygel?
John (as Rygel): Nothing, And my own body shouldn't be suspicious of me so, rack off!

Aeryn (as John): (at breasts) Oh moma!
Rygel (as Aeryn): Crichton?
D'Argo (as Chiana): What are you doing?
Aeryn (as John): Oh c'mon man! They're here. They're right here. They've been here for a couple of arns and I just had to
Rygel (as Aeryn): You are mentally damaged.
Aeryn (as John): Hey, I'm a guy! A guy, guys dream about this sort of thing!

Aeryn (as John): Show me, the pavement pizza.

Aeryn (as Rygel): Shoot the damn gun you blue assed bitch!

Aeryn (as Rygel): Disgusting. If you say so John -Trust me it will be alright! and she believes it. Well yotz you, if I said that you'd all vomit!

D'Argo: I did want to say to you, that I really, really enjoyed being inside your body

Aeryn: You were in my shoes, I was in your pants.

My Three Crichtons

John: I always thought I was the good guy Chiana. But it was the least developed one of me, the one I thought least likely, that did the right thing. Somehow you knew.
Chiana: I know you.

Beware of Dog

Chiana: When you see what these little fellows can do (Vorc urinates on D'Argo and runs away)
Chiana: (running after it) Come back here!
Aeryn: Yep. That's impressive!

Chiana: What'd you expect me to use, harsh language?

John: Aeryn it understands what you're saying take it back, take it back.
Aeryn (to Vorc): Hello - I'm sorry, I don't want to kill you.
John: That was terrible. That was, that wasLook Lassie here is trying to communicate with us.
Aeryn (to Vorc louder): Yes, I don't understand you!

Aeryn and John: Sorry about the mess!

Won't Get Fooled Again

John: I don't think so. On earth psychiatrists don't come in blue.
Zhaan: Do you have a problem with people of color?
John: I have a contextual problem. You're an alien.
Zhaan: Yes that's true but I do have a green card.

D'Argo: My friend, one thing you have to learn. There is always time for beer.

John: You're Harvey. Or is it Clarence? Guardian Angel. Invisible rabbit. Harvey.

Officer Crais: Freeze, you're under arrest. You have the rights to the remains of a silent attorney. If you cannot afford one, tough noogies! You can make one phone call, I recommend Tracey 976 triple 5 love. Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you? Well do you punk?
John: No.
Officer Crais: Then I can't arrest you!

D'Argo: John, I really need to just unburden myself on you.
John: What?
D'Argo: Well, lately I've been thinking about you in a very different way.
John: Uh hmmm.
D'Argo: Mmm Hmmm and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind participating with me in a little Luxan bonding ritual. Here's the thing okay? What we need are some chains, my Qualta blade, just a little squirt of luxar oil and ohh, Chiana.
John: Chiana.
D'Argo: Yeah, she wants to watch.
John: Oh no.
D'Argo: (dark sneer) Oh yes.

D'Argo: Hey John, get down and boogie!
Aeryn: Boogie Oogie Woogie
D'Argo: Hey man, get down. Boogie or die!
John: Oh nononononono, I don't boogieeeee!

Clockwork Nebari

John: You can kick, kiss or cry your way out of anything, I'd just wish you'd stop getting into them.

Chiana: You're just cranked because Wynona jammed!
John: Hey Winonna has been very reliable it's not her fault that she jammed.

Chiana: Wait'll they rip your eyes out.

Pilot: If you've also come to tell me what a wonderful thing the Nebari are doing for you, I am not interested!
Harvey: (echoes) Nebari is the Devil
John: No Pilot I'm here to tell you that the Nebari are a bunch of geeks! And their damn mind cleansing doesn't work on Mama Crichton's baby boyyyy! John Crichton! Astronaut, master of the universe, Raaaahh!

John: The amnexis is like, in flux so I'm just looking for the source.

John: She's gonna getcha getcha getcha!

Rygel: I'm nobody's puppet!

John: Oh Ryyyygellll where are you my little Husky. I have a stick fer youuuu. (whistling) Where are you boy?

John: As you can see Rygel, my nasty urges have not been supressed.

John: You aren't into self-preservation, you are the King of it.
Rygel: Not King, Dominar!

John: (to Chiana) It's going to be more real than real. It's going to be super 3-D smell-o-vision in sensoround, but you have to

do your part.

Rygel: Oh great, just what we need, a lobotomized Luxan.

John: Bitchin' man.
Rygel: Bitchin'.

Chiana: How screwed does that make ya!

Liars Guns and Money

Scorpious: Insert the rod!
John: You're really not my type.

Liars Guns and Money 2

Durka: When I'm finished with you Dominar death himself will pray for you.
Rygel: I thought you may say something like that.

Liars Guns and Money 3

Rorf: Will you fight like this down there?
Stark: Of course, of course, see, no hands, no hands!

John: It's kinda hard not to flinch here Scorpy with Frau Blucher tickling my prostate.

Die Me Dichotomy

John/Harvey : You are so my girl.

Season of Death

John: Hey, Harvey. Let's have a little chat.
Harvey: I don't wish to chat, John. I wish to leave. That is why you must die.
John: Why don't you kill me? You did it before. Stopped my brain function cold. What's the matter? You lost your touch?
Harvey: Circumstances are different now.
John: Yes, they are. You got no connections, no backup, no power supply. No place to hide. I'm going to make some rules now. (John flings an arm across Harvey's shoulders walks him back down the dock.)
John:Come on. Let me show you what I mean.
(John spins Harvey around and shoves him. The clone staggers backwards and falls on his back inside a dark, abandoned warehouse. Harvey struggles onto his stomach, then stands. John enters the warehouse.)
Harvey: Now, John ... you listen to me.
John: Not this time, Scorpius. This brain ain't big enough for the two of us. (punches Harvey in the jaw. Harvey staggers back.)
Harvey: Now, Crichton ... I'm warning you.
John: I'm sorry, sweetheart. (punches Harvey again)
John: Come on, Scorpy. Come on, man. Show me that ugly grin.
(John punches again. Harvey's fists come up in a boxer's stance straight of Queensbury's Rules.)
Harvey: I'm warning you, Crichton. Now you stop!
John: Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't think so. Remember? Out with the old, in with the new!
(John bobs around boxer style, punches Harvey and drops the clone to his hands and knees. John's hands go up in a victory sign.)
John: Can I get a, "Hell, yeah!"?
Unseen Crowd: Hell, yeah!

D'Argo: We're going to bring him out here, and see how he likes being in the cold.
John: And what if he likes it?
D'Argo: Look! One plan at a time!

John: Warm up the hot cocoa baby here we come.

Suns and Lovers

Zhaan: Calm yourself Stark please. You're the expert here. You've witnessed more deaths than anyone else. So many dissatisfied souls dying before they felt ready.
Stark: Yes I'm an expert on dying, I'm just not an expert on you dying.

John: Hey fridge magnet, I got something for you to feel.
Borlik: What is that?
John: Oh what's the matter is that your fear I see? You're not so psycho happy now.

Aeryn: Frell me dead.

Self Inflicted Wounds 1

D'Argo: All right, just calm down, Pilot, and tell us how you feel.
Pilot: Well I feel ... (projectile vomits on Stark and D'Argo)
D'Argo: I had no idea that he could do that!
Stark: I had no idea anyone could do that!

Stark: I have a darkness which frightens lovers away. Whenever I assist the dying I cannot help but absorb a tiny spillet of their existence and over the cycles the endless parade of death, I've accumulated a vast reservoir of evil. I cannot bear to lose the one thing that mitigates this twisted core of my existence.

Chiana: External pressure sensors?
D'Argo: Yank 'em all.
Chiana: I'm kind of in the mood to be destructive

John: Hey, Sleeping Beauty wake up and die.

Crichton: Have you ever heard of Earth?
Joolushko: On Trintika Major, the Predorian fly transmits a fatal Rheumatoid disease called, 'Arth'.
Rygel: Ah, very similar

Stark: (to Pilot) Die later - Starburst now!

Chiana: Bad?
D'Argo: Is two of you bad?
Chiana: That soo depends.
D'Argo: Well, it's not bad enough.
Chiana: You should let Zhaan have a look at it.
D'Argo: Zhaan does not have much respect for my head.
Chiana: You know, it's okay to be in pain, D'Argo. But, since you're all right, I'll get back to work.
D'Argo: ( growls )

Aeryn: Something wrong?
Stark: You're very pretty.
Aeryn: But I'm not Zhaan right, never be her. It's alright Stark we're going to get her out of here and we're going to put her in the soil she needs to heal.

Joolushko: What is it you're not telling me?
Chiana: Well, that we're in a crisis, Hairdo, so you can either help, shut up, or go back to sleep.
Joolushko: I won't be spoken to like that by some, alley whore.

Harvey: I resent you calling me here at a whim.
John: That's the way it works Harvey. If you don't like it I can toss you back in the dumpster. (Dumpster growls). Do you think Scorpy is still alive? Do you think Scorpious is still alive?
Harvey: Without doubt.
John: What's he doing with the information he stole from my brain?
Harvey: The knowledge placed there by the Ancients is by now the center piece of a sprawling new research facility.
John: Once he masters wormhole technology what will he use it for?
Harvey: Faster delivery of pizzas.

Harvey: I long for the dumpster.

D'Argo: Now John, we're trapped in the vawn of a wormhole, Pilot's unconscious, Moya is dying and my son has slept with my betrothed. Lock this woman up!

D'Argo: I cannot take you back Chiana, but I won't leave you alone in pain.

Self Inflicted Wounds 2

Jool: Great ... just great. I take a multi-civilization tour for my birthday and barely make it through the first stop. I lose my deposit. My cousins get murdered. I've been frozen for 22 cycles. I've been captured by degenerate aliens. Attacked by a huge serpent's ...
Stark: Dead! All of us, dead! My love, dead! My dreams, dead! You, dead! Me, dead. You dead, me dead, you dead, me dead, you dead, me dead.... Your list is short and unworthy of entree to this ship of horror. Tortured by demons you can never know. Mocked by love that will never be.
(Jool cowers away, whimpering as Stark rages.)
Stark: Oh, you want to cry young creature? I will show you something that will make you cry forever.

John: Welcome to the Federation Starship SS Buttcrack

Zhaan: Crichton... Aeryn... enough. You are both so good at gauging reality. Yet in this instance...
Crichton: Zhaan... there's a planet out there.
Zhaan: A long shot at best, John. The illness that is ravaging my body... is frighteningly efficient.
Stark: No!
Zhaan: So, while I'm still sound of mind and spirit, I choose this path for myself.
D'Argo: Zhaan, you're needed here.
Zhaan: At one time, I believe I was, but then a family was born.
D'Argo: You birthed it.
Chiana: We love you, Zhaan.

Crichton: Zhaan, it'll be easy. I'll start the generator; I'll come across.
Zhaan: If it is so easy, allow me.
Aeryn: Zhaan, no!
Zhaan: No... n... No more. If I am so needed, and so valued, and so wise. Then you will honor my words. You will obey me.

Zhaan: For the longest time I feared physical demise, because my spiritual essence was suspect, but now I know I'm worthy. Now I know the transgressions have melted from my soul. Now I know I shall meet my Goddess, and be accepted to her bosom. Sensitive D'Argo... exhuberant Chiana... wise Rygel... selfless Aeryn... innocent Crichton... My children. My teachers, my loves. There is no guilt. There is no blame. Only what is meant to be. Grow through your mistakes, and know that if patient, redemption will find you.
Crichton: ( softly ) "Wait for the wheel."
Zhaan: Thank you, John Crichton.

Jool: Oh wait for me.
Chiana: Not that way on Moya. If you want to move faster get better shoes or maybe get in better shape.
Jool: Do you know how much these shoes cost young whore?
Chiana: For me? Three sex acts, probably double that for you.
Jool: You have some nerve to talk to me that way.
Chiana: One of my very best friends has just gone. Right now I am nothing but nerve. You want someone to like you? Invest in a mirror.

Different Destinations

John: I know you look great. You look like astroboy.

Jool: You made me drink piss?

Chiana: You are going to have to stay out of this room if you can't stop shedding.
Jool: Without renewal there's stagnation.
Chiana: Yeah, well I feel the same way about men but I don't leave them lying around.
Jool: Can't you ever play nice? I got shot with an epcus-infected arrow you little monochromatic bitch!

Eat Me

John: Burnt, battered, busted, ding-dong the pod is dead.

D'Argo: Do you wanna give me a hand here, it's stuck.
John: Or maybe there's a Pilot keeping it shut (door opens) or a host of peacekeepers or thousands of zoo feral hippy boys, friends and relatives.

Jool: You know we don't have weapons on our planet, we don't have violence, we don't have war (Chiana punches her)

Jool: What the frell? (Chiana punches her again, Jool punches back, hurts hand) Oh, frelling hezmana!
Chiana: See violence, you'll get the hang of it.

Chiana: Come out and play.

Chiana: Don't mind me, just talk amongst yourselves. (shoots aproaching zariag) Especially you!

Chiana: You want lunch, how about her?

Chiana: Yayayayayayaaa!

Aeryn: (to Rygel) If you try anything when I am gone whatever you have in the place of mivonks and wherever they are, they will be gone when I get back.

John: Hey Kaarvok, it's just you and me now. What do you say we meet for some coffee or something? I'm sure we've got lots of stuff we can talk about. We'll cook up something special okay man, it's going to take a little while. We're gonna hit you with some starburst supreme!

Thanks for Sharing

Jool: Give it to me
John (Green T): Mmm, yes.

Jool: There I woke him up, now I hope he drops dead.

Stark: It's not working, it's not helping. Talyn's dying, not waking up.
John (Black T): Astro. Work now, freak later, work now
Stark: Yes
John (Black T): Good.
Stark: How much later?

John (Black T): John Crichton, Wizard of Oz. You ready to knock off the macho BS and talk these things out?

John (Green T): Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head.

John (Green T): Who's your daddy? C'mon, you know who your daddy is. Who's your daddy? D'Argo, tell him who his daddy is.
D'Argo: I'm your daddy.

Green Eyed Monster

Aeryn: Talyn, you've seen them both naked, perhaps you can tell us who's bigger.

Stark: You're loose.
Rygel: Not half as loose as Chiana.

Aeryn: I want you to stop acting like a Drannit.
John: You know what, I have no idea what a Drannit is.
Aeryn: No don't play dumb with me, that hasn't worked for over two cycles John.
John: Aeryn, I am dumb. I don't understand you half the time and I have no idea what a Drannit is.
Aeryn: Fine forget the Drannit.
John: Fine, screw the Drannit. (Aeryn smiles) What?
Aeryn: You really have no idea what a Drannit is do you?
John: What's a Drannit?

John: Okay, I'm there. Man you guys should see this ugly sticky flesh. Kinda like my Aunt Ruth's special Jello.

John: Yeah I know but Mintaka 3 sounds boring to me. Anyway, that's Huey, Louie, Dewie. You see that one, that's that star right there. It's my point of reference, my guide, and it always becomes the center of my chart. I always name it Aeryn.

Loosing Time

Jool: Shoot him, shoot him now, you're the warrior shoot him now.
D'Argo: Alright, with what, my nose?

John: My dad's name was Jack, my dog's name was Hubble. I lost my virginity to Karen Shaw in the back of a four by.
D'Argo: Ah how old were you?
John: Sixteen.
D'Argo: I was seven.

Chiana: Taste ...?

Chiana: Love this tiiiight bodae.
John: Whoa, we all love this body okay, you sit we'll sit later I'll call you, you're in the book right?

John: Good God! That's not natural!

Jool: I feel like I had a spiritual enema.

Relativity

Aeryn: Wait. Oarusk fruit (breaks open and it fizzes)
John: Remind me not to put that on my Cocoa Puffs.

Meltdown

Aeryn: Frell.
John: Yeah...
Aeryn: No, no, no, I mean bad frell!

John: Yeah, yeah I'm alright. Thanks for watching my backside.
Aeryn: Couldn't help myself.

Aeryn: Crais, what are you ...
Crais: I can't get in! Talyn will not comply with my orders, and that Drexam--it's obviously driven him insane.
Aeryn: Blast your way in.
Crais: Yes. Give me your gun.
Aeryn: Perhaps not.
Crais: Do not question my decisions! I am your captain! And I order you! (points his own gun at her) I am your captain!
Aeryn: (snorts)

Scratch and Sniff

D'Argo: I am a full blooded Luxan, and ladies, I have so much cash in my pocket that I can assure you that the three of us will crawl out of here on our hands and knees come sunrise tomorrow morning. I've been arrested for saying exactly the same thing on four different planets.

D'Argo: Girls, breasts, blue breasts, green breasts, I don't know. All I know is they spiked our drinks and took our money.

Raxil: You're not very smart are ya? Now he (D'Argo), he's got a brain. Now you, you're a bit of an idiot.

Raxil: Okay you can hit me just once, juuuuust once!

Chiana: Smell this!

Into the Lions Den 1

John: Why are you bitching at me like we're married Scorpy Sue?

Into the Lions Den 2

Chiana: I'd love you ... to come with me.

Chiana: I went shopping.
John: Shopping? No you don't have any money.
Chiana: Lifting. Shop-lifting.

Aeryn: Do you love Aeryn Sun?
John: Beyond hope.
Aeryn: Then don't make me say good-bye and don't make me stay.

Crichton Kicks

Sikozu: This is big (John's wound)
John: Obviously, you need to get out more.

Sikozu: They know we're here.
John: Oh, nothing gets by you does it?

John: Now I know, that once you had amnesty, you were gonna mention my name. Right?

Sikozu: Chiana I told you I can go places you can't.
Chiana: I'd love to send you to one myself.
Sikozu: Sarcasm, the hallmark of the sub-educated.
Chiana: The only hallmark you're going to be is a small small smudge in the wall after I shoot you.

John: (showing dog his butt) C'mon I know you want some of this! Yeah, grade A fine American beef!

Chiana: Let's fly

What was Lost

Sikozu: Help me. My hand is still too weak.
Rygel: Yeah, right. Pull the other one and I'll whistle "Felanusen".

Vella: I see why he mistook you for Sebaccean. Same size, weight, coloring. Though the brain cavity appears smaller.
John: Yeah, but my choppers are first class and I do an excellent turn my head and cough.

Vella: You understanding any of this?
John: (hick voice) Well, I missed a coupla' the big words so maybe I should just *tck. tck*

Chiana: (to D'Argo) You and the Princess. Did the Peacekeepers capture you and steal your brain and replace it with whatever you are using now?

Chiana: Crichton is nally-whipped.

What was Lost 2

D'Argo: John you're going to have to see her one more time.
John: Screw you.

D'Argo: Well to use one of your expressions, you're going to have to take one for the team.
John: Technically, I've taken two.
D'Argo: Now it's time for the triple.

Lava's a Many Splendored Thing

Chiana: Hey, I am the one... that put my hands in the vomit. Okay, you want a turn? Go get your own vomit.

Noranti: I am the flower, you are the bee. I am the pod, you are the pea. I am the target, you are the gun! I am the woman, you are the man!

Natural Election

Sikozu: You defy the whole theory of Natural Selection.

John: Hey you still got your pants on.
Chiana: Well that will be a first.

John: Aeryn I figure a relationship, the kind we're not having, is based on trust.

John Quixote

Jool: How come nobody ever wants to eat me?

Chiana: Hey we're not dead. How drad is that?

A Prefect Murder

Falaak: (referring to Aeryn) Seems a bit moody.
John: Man, you should have met her mother.

Aeryn: I'm getting a really bad bribe.
John: Oh god she's talking English. Vibe. It's a really bad vibe.

Chiana: This place is run by tight-asses.

Chiana: So is it true what they say about priests? They give great religious experience?

John: D'Argo just knock me out. Knock me out. (D'Argo punches him) Hit me harder you big sissy!

Coup by Clam

Aeryn: Jirl power!
John: Girl ... Girl power! Would you quit speaking English?

John: What the hell's the matter with you?
Rygel: I'm operating.

John: You put you hand on my ass again? and I will kill you.

Doctor: You bit off my nose!
Rygel: There's plenty left. Now get back to work.

Unrealized Reality

John: Nice threads. Helps to humanize you. Makes it easier for me to sympathize with your problems.
Einstein: Time
John: - s'up?
Einstein: Time
John: Flies
Einstein: Time
John: Bandits
Einstein: Time
John: Wounds all heels.
Einstein: Time
John: (singing) Rosemary and Thyme!
Einstein: Time
John: -s'up!

D'Argo: (from first encounter) Your shipwhat is it?
John: It's a four cylinder, got a plastic Jesus on the dashboard.

Kansas

D'Argo: Chiana has already told me a few words: Yes, No, Bite Me. That's all I need to know.

Aeryn: Wheeeele of fortune!

John: Well somebody got a sugar high. You've been stealing candy Mr. Burroughs?
Rygel: Oh Crichton (groaning) how illegal is this dren? You have to get me more, I don't care what it cost!

Chiana: Drive, drive!

Noranti: Hello Cookie Monster!

John: I'm Casper the friggin' joke.

Noranti: (to young John) Remember nothing.
Chiana: Except for Karen Shaw and the four wheel drive.

Terra Firma

Rygel: Another delicacy. What's it called?
Noranti: It's called ... Cop Porn.

Twice Shy

John: You do not scare me missy. (Aeryn stares at him) Okay, you scare me a little.

Talika: You like sex?
Chiana: Yeah ... it's my favorite color.

John: Along came a spider, exploded beside her.

Aeryn: So you think he's been using the comms? Look what it's done to you. You're completely paranoid.
Scorpious: (over comm.) Pilot are we having trouble with the comms?
Pilot: I was just checking them. Some slight irregularities but they appear to be functioning normally.
Aeryn: So it's over.
John: It's over.
Aeryn: There's nothing more between us.
John: Nothing. (they kiss)

Bringing Home the Beacon

Sikozu: All right, then what? Do you have any plan of escape?
Aeryn: Run.
Sikozu: Anything more detailed Aeryn?
Aeryn: Run quickly.

Chiana: (referring to D'Argo sniffing her) Do you really need to do that?
D'Argo: Remarkable.
Chiana: Well changing my genetics changes my scent.
D'Argo: Is it permanent?
Chiana: Do you want it to be?
D'Argo: I prefer the elegant gray.

Prayer

Aeryn: Now Djancaz-Bru you haven't listened and you haven't helped and I'm running out of time. So I'm gonna forget about you. I am now willing to make a deal with anyone with anything to save my child. Not because I can, but because I have to.